Special Report: Rx for Winter Blahs

So you’re stuck in the winter doldrums. It’s cold. It’s dark. You sit at home in that cold and that dark staring at your lover, or the empty spot that used to be your lover, and you pray for distraction. Something that will break winter’s icy grip on your fun-lovin’ soul.

Around now a little jaunt to St. Barths seems like just the thing. Sounds divine, doesn’t it? But last-minute travel to someplace warm is expensive even before you add in the cost of carbon offset credits, and face it, there is a lot of corporate belt-tightening going on right now. You may not want the boss to realize they get along just fine without you. Plus have you seen the designer resort collections this year? Bleak.

Being stuck at home is no reason to despair, however! There are things you can do to fight back.

Start small. Taking time to appreciate life’s little blessings is one solution … it could be something as simple as a warm breeze on a sunny day, where the temperature creeps up to 40. Perhaps instead of 40 degrees you just need 40 ounces. I know that little indulgence always cheers me up. Maybe you need to stop and appreciate the pristine beauty of the city when it’s covered by a fresh snowfall. And then share that discovery. For me that would start with encouraging those rowdy neighborhood children to go make snow angels in the dog park. Revenge is better than Christmas.

If you don’t get a boost from these traditional folk remedies then it’s time to move on to stronger mood elevators. When I personally need a little winter pick-me-up I throw on a suit (dressing up does wonders for the disposition) and look to the institutions of our city for diversion. The Detroit Athletic Club is the perfect spot for a three-martini lunch, a dollop of architectural splendor and a quick jaunt to the tanning bed to synthesize some much-needed Vitamin D. Since I have to go as someone’s guest, it’s easy on the bank account too!

There is also nothing like a hike through the Renaissance Center. John Portman’s labyrinthine layout may be a pain when you’re in a hurry, but with time on your hands it can be peaceful and not a little bit mysterious. You’ll never know exactly where you are, but you’ll never be totally lost, so just walk free of frostbite and hat-head and enjoy some quiet contemplation while you soak in this otherworldly landscape in the heart of our downtown.

The Detroit Institute of Arts also provides much-needed relief. As a member, I’m free to enter the museum as many times as I like admission-free, so I love to run in for just a little while and spend time in the modern and contemporary galleries. All the color that’s missing from the world outside can be found right there, plus the new expanded museum shop provides some great s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g.

Now my fixes will work for a narrow segment of the population – you need to be willing to dress up, and maybe loiter around the entrance to a private club until you see someone you know, for example. But the city is packed with options that can work for everyone. That’s where Model D comes in. Our crack team of clinical investigators has sought out the most effective forms of relief available with or without a prescription, and presents to you four treatment options. Individually or in combination therapy, they are your right-here, right-now cure for beating the winter blahs.

Rx: Stuff Your Face - Nothing hits our most primal comfort buttons like food glorious food. And nothing appeals to our most evolved, sophisticated aspirations like the experience of being served. Combined in one simple act, dining out is sure to give your midwinter malaise a one-two punch right into remission.

Rx: Dance All Night –There is no better way to escape than to get out on the dance floor. You’ll forget your woes and get some cardio in at the same time, and that endorphin rush is sweeeet. Whether it’s four-on-the-floor or sweatin’ to the oldies, be a slave to the rhythm and set yourself free!

Rx: Culture Infusion – The creative process nourishes us and stimulates us. It’s like a facial for your soul. As creators and spectators alike, we access the elements that make us human and tie us all to one another. Detroit is rich with cultural outlets, whether it’s music, dance, theater or art, and we become better as people and as a city when we take advantage of that. Plus it gives us something to talk about at cocktail parties.

Rx: Drinking for Distraction – Speaking of culture, I once had hopes of being a great musician. Did you know I used to play the trumpet in school? It turns out I wasn’t very good, so I quit. Then I picked up drinking! Another success story. On the advice of our lawyers we can’t recommend drinking as a vocation, but for pure and simple distraction it definitely does the trick.

As with any course of treatment there can be unexpected reactions. Possible side effects may include leaving the house, having fun, an improved outlook, dizziness and increased sexual urges. Contact your doctor or seek emergency care if your erection lasts more than four hours.

Gentle reader, as sure as the bounty of a Detroit summer brings the joyous sights of leafy streets, bicycling hipsters and marauding baseball fans, winter has its joys too, if you can climb out of your burrow to find them. This issue of Model D gives you tools you can use to get through these dark days, and make winter in Detroit a discovery. Old Man Winter will not keep you down!

Supergay is a Detroit based blogger who makes fabulous arm candy should you want to invite him to the DAC or DYC or any high ticket event. He's a contributor to Model D, but do yourself a favor and read his blog, too.


Desserts at Iridescence at the Motor City Casino

The Duck at
Iridescence at the Motor City Casino

The New Detroit Institute of Arts

Clubbing at Envy

All Photographs Copyright Dave Krieger

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